Sunday 19 May 2024

A late start to the day and a leisurely tram ride into the city, with the plan of getting an early burger and chips for dinner. Perhaps a beer as well. Readers will recognise the recovery food so desired on the day after the night before. 

In order to earn such delights, Lady P suggested we go to the Bordeaux Museum of Modern Art. You could have heard Flashy groan from your place. Now, lets have a rational look at this phenomenon of a MOMA. Museum: usually a nice old building full of stuff. Yes, a beautiful sandstone building with vaulted ceilings, colonnades and a roof top terrace supporting pop up food stations and a bar; and full of stuff. Sounding good so far. 

Modern Art: just another phrase for crap or even very bad crap. Spot on here. Only total wankers can believe that a chair propped against a wall, or a pile of burnt baguettes on the floor is art. But get this, it needs to be interpreted, so we get the following from the ‘artist.’ The ‘piece' is called female nude and is a chair with a big seed stuffed through the rattan seat and leaning against a wall. “From prehistoric times to the present day, the representation of the female nude has been a constant in the history of art. The female nude in question here is represented by a Coca Fesse, the largest plant seed on earth, found only in the Seychelles. The species is endangered because European travelers harvested its seeds as soon as they arrived in the islands in the 16^th century their resemblance to buttocks no doubt explains this phenomenon. The coconut is embedded in the broken seat of of the token furniture of Viennese café culture, the Thonet chair….” Oh how terrible. Let’s all flagellate ourselves and feel guilty for what our naughty, slave owning, misogynist forefathers did, stealing poor native culture! Flashy would just rather have seen a good nude. Even a painting. Small photo perhaps? And don’t get me started on the meaning of a bunch of blackened baguettes pilled up like elephant shit in the middle of the floor. That’s the iconic symbol of modern art - absolute elephant shit! 

On the way out, Flashy notices a black backpack leaning against a column and ever vigilant for left luggage, suggests to Lady P that perhaps it’s a bomb. ‘It could be another exhibit,” she says.

After escaping this torture, we emerge into beautiful sunshine and wander the promenade along the river, observing people on bicycles two by two and the rosy red cheeks of the little children. We visit the mirior d’ eau, a large flat area of polished black stone covered by about 1” of water, on which people of all ages were walking barefooted. 

This is opposite the scene of last night’s crime, the Bordeaux Palais de la Bourse and the Chaine flag is still flying out the front. Around the corner is the Parliament Square and an hour is needed before our famous burger joint opens. Lady P insists (nicely) on the very front table facing the square so she can people watch. Flashy has visions of a 10€ surcharge for the front chairs, but decides oysters and calamari tapas and a couple of Sancerres and an Aperol Spritz will fill in some time.  No surcharge and friendly staff. Great oysters too. 

We arrive around the corner at exactly 6.30 pm as the restaurant opens, only to be told they are fully booked. A burger joint? You’re kidding, right? No. Obviously very popular and there is a cruise ship in port. Oh, well we do find a cute wine bar and have wine and cheese, which is after all more French.

Of course it's a nude female

No, someone didn't forget to take out the rubbish. It's modern art.

Beautiful building. Pity about the contents.

Burnt baguettes

Lavender, grapevines, rosemary and roses along the promenade.

No seats in front of us!